So this week has been weird for a variety of reasons...
i have always been a night person, so it was very easy to switch to being awake all night and sleeping during the day for the CUT filming schedule. however, getting back to regular hours is proving to be a bit more difficult. so at 2am i wake up from my nap to watch Avatar...which after seeing for the second time i am convinced was completely and totally ripped from Fern Gully. If any of you have seen that as a kid, watch it again..its exactly like watching a normal length film version of Camerons epic.
this leads me to wander to more interesting trains of thought and i landed on a program i watched yesterday night- a series of interviews with various convicted serial killers.
one of the things i always tell people who ask me "why the hell do you keep making horror films??? why dont you do a nice comedy or something"- is that the best films, of any genre, stick with you long after they are over. they haunt you (whether in a good way or bad) and stay among your thoughts and affect your life. some inspire, some amuse..and my personal favorites keep you looking under your bed, in your closet and needing the lights on at night.
well being a particularly jaded sicko, i rarely have the opportunity to experience a film that shocks and chills me while watching it, let alone way later...but i cannot get last nights program out of my head.
i am not new to this type of material. i have studied various serial killers in detail, partly for different roles and then sheer curiosity. i know the warning signs, the mannerisms, the patterns, the variables. i know that generally they feel the same way about gutting someone as they do about making coffee..... but this program stopped me as it was not a biography or a film based on the life of. it was actual interviews with the killers themselves. i landed right in the middle of Jeffery Dahmer and his father explaining details and the feelings he had to go with them of his various horrid crimes.
several others followed as well- a guy who was working in a hospital and killing his patients. almost 70 people died via rat poison, smothering etc.
another man was telling us how he would make friends with people simply to gain the "safe word" or trust of their little girls so he could rape and kill them.
i watch very closely as these guys tell their stories and their opinions/feelings. i look for the tiniest hint of emotion- i look into their eyes, look for twitching in their face, hesitation or bracing in their voice. but there is nothing. not even a coldness or evil vibe, something of warning....there is just nothing.
they have no regrets or second thoughts and very casually say so. they talk about brutally and graphically hacking up and raping screaming 4 yr olds so calmly and indifferently you might have asked them what time it was or how they were enjoying the weather. and i guess it just hits me how sick some people are. these guys do not come with a warning label, there is no big sign above their head saying watch out for this one. they are very average looking people. they are all very charming, polite and generally anyone you might see during your day. most of them had wives and children. good jobs. how frightening to think while youre walking next to someone in the grocery store, they might smile kindly and continue on..but really be lost in a fantasy about various ways to murder you while they pick up a loaf of bread.
almost all of them stated that thoughts and fantasies of murder started around the age of 12. my only question there is how the hell did these kids make it all the way through school with no one noticing or caring that something is off?? Maybe if teachers/counslers/adminstrators cared just a bit more or spent an extra dollar so they could give a bit more attention, maybe some kids wouldnt slip through the cracks.
i guess to wrap it up the theme this week is that people never fail to shock you. the way some think, their lack of empathy, their disgusting behaivor...society is a scary place. while i get a bit excited at how great some of these stories would be as films, i stop to think how sick i am too. people love a good horror film, love a good twisted tale...love it more when its real life. psychos are among us.. and the rest of us are here to soak up and fixate on their crimes. books, cinema, even exploting it for ratings on the evening news. we drop our jaws and say shame on them for what they do...but we dont look away. cant look away. makes you wonder who the real psychos are. maybe we're all a little off.